Despite the amazing yearning of a female of the 21st century for freedom, there are still points in this life that I would like to delegate guys. Layer, for example, to submit, bring the bag, deal to do. If, having an online, healthy and balanced man available, all this female will do herself, she will not be recognized.
They will condemn, have compassion, offer suggestions– just how to contrive and also wed him to himself. Before trying to drag a male into the pc registry office, the reporter of SHE suggests to comprehend the reasons– why the guy is not quickly to make you pleased with the deal to become his other half.
Not as long ago we got a letter from our visitor, in which she tells her story as well as calls for aid:” We satisfy a young man for a year, four months we live together. I like him and he also, but he does not rush to make an offer. Argumented by the reality that these are all conventions that you can live with no enrollment.
On the one hand, I understand it, however on the other– it is extremely essential for me that our connections are legal and also the youngster that we will have was born right into a normal family members. As well as I assume it’s embarrassing to obtain wed when I’m pregnant. ”
Frequently guys ignore the role of “conventions” and stereotypes, failing to remember that they themselves are guided by the condition as opposed to by other standards when selecting a task or cars and truck. Marriage for a woman is an extremely vital status, and also although the moments are wrong now, the lack of a ring on a finger at the age of 30 is still a bad indicator. “This is a consequence of the presence of a traditional female stereotype, where the” value “of a woman for culture was figured out by the presence of family and kids, as there were just no other means of social awareness for females,” describes psycho therapist Natalya Gulina, Insight Clinic.
Stereotypes are a really terrible sensation, as well as regardless of significant social adjustments, they still intend to fulfill as well as wed “on time”, in white gown as well as before the birth of youngsters.
I do not intend to marry
The reasons for which a man evades from the main registration of connections, a great several– from one of the most unpleasant option, when you do not see in the function of a spouse, till the scenario when a male is so severe regarding the concern of marriage that he wishes to properly plan for this tough occasion.
1. And also it’s so excellent
Scientists from the University of Rutgers, USA, asked the exact same concern as the reporter of SHE, and carried out a research in which they ended that guys are not in a hurry to get married, as the modern-day world supplies them with a great deal of chances for a good life without a household. Lack of solid influence from outside (yet mommy’s pains concerning grandsons can be experienced), sexual schedule of ladies prior to marital relationship as well as a lot of chances to hang around with similar individuals allow you to postpone marriage till better times.
2. I’m complimentary
Persuasion from a series of stereotypes– a successful guy always has a great deal of women. The presence of a stamp in the ticket, despite all its conventionality, is a deterrent. Some, naturally, continue to win and also mark themselves after marriage, yet in this case it is connected with additional problems and intimidates with troubles. The lack of enrollment relaxes a man with the above ideas– he can trust his freedom, even if he never ever uses it.
“If a male is not wed, however remains in a lengthy relationship, he still believes himself free and keeps in his own eyes the chance to” proceed “at any time, as well as for the most part the marital relationship disturbs the intensive procedure of building up” triumphes “, primarily for him “, Explains Natalia Gulina.
3. I’m stuck
One of the most desired types is a guy who has everything. He suches as to enjoy life as well as rarely thinks of the family members. He also does not hurry with kids– there are actions and also more crucial. According to specialists, he does the best thing, as well as he needs to not be hurried.
“Throughout life, a man goes through particular stages of advancement. If you describe the archetypes of Jung, he first Prince, after that Trickster (Magician), after– Warrior and Boss,– says psychologist Alena Sagadeeva. — A contemporary guy goes through the stage of the Prince with love sufferings as well as isolation, however gets embeded the Trickster stage– when he really feels that he can do a great deal of things and takes pleasure in implied power. He does the appropriate point, if he does not wed, due to the fact that such marriages are doomed to failure. ” A successful marital relationship, according to the psycho therapist, can occur just when a man overcomes the stage of a warrior, undaunted, courageous, going to protect, as well as becomes a responsible manager that understands the requirement to begin a family members.
4. My mom’s mistake
Among the reasons that guys are not quickly to get rid of their freedom is an unique connection with their mom. Aggressiveness from the parent– and the female photo loses destination in the eyes of a male, a hyperope– in this situation the other half is not able to change her mom. “If the mom of a guy, no matter his age, tries unobtrusively to shield him from the advancements of other ladies, he can securely exist with his mom, depicting attempts to get married, but actually never wanting to do it, due to the fact that my mommy is the most effective,” says the psychotherapist facility “Neuromed” Igor Pozhidaev.
4. Stress and anxiety, anxiety!
Perhaps one of the most typical sensation is the fear of commitments. A male does not refuse to bring target to the house as well as get a trash can– just by going to the pc registry office, he actually concurs with witnesses to do this for the remainder of his life!
“Since marriage is a social phenomenon, it indicates that partners take social commitments before a great deal of individuals. Any kind of extra obligations create alarm– “I will certainly take care of, I can not manage”.
The extremely word “commitment” triggers a sensation of extra burden, thickness. If the understanding stays so prejudiced, after that the stress and anxieties are higher than the satisfaction, which provokes avoidance, delaying the choice, “comments Natalia Gulina.
What to do?
With this concern, the SHE reporter resorted to specialists. The solutions are really different, there are plenty to choose from.
Igor Pozhidaev:“Of the irreplaceable individuals there was just one individual, his name was Adam. You can be delighted with sufficient people, there is not only one in the entire world. If the satellite averts, it is essential to understand that a person simply does not intend to take duty and pushes the second half to the decision that he does not wish to voice. ”
Alain Sagadeeva: “You have to develop your very own life, not really hoping that the prince will certainly come and also you will certainly live gladly ever after. This story is really dangerous– we have lots of generations do not bring up princes who wish to become kings. ”
Natalia Gulina:“Speak. Describe what is occurring to you, what does it imply for you to reject to marry. Do not press or detraction. This is a bad start to life with each other. And also keep in mind– you constantly have the right to decide that such partnerships do not suit you. “