The internet has been very into the concept of ‘quiet quitting’ since earlier in 2022, when TikTok cottoned onto the phrase as the ultimate careers concept for self preservation amid burnout and low job satisfaction – but is it happening in our relationships, too?
You can also thank TikTok for the term ‘quiet dumping’, which supposedly refers to a similar pattern of behaviours within relationships – a.k.a. doing the bare minimum, making less effort and “becoming a bystander in the relationship”, as TikToker Ratu Vashti puts it.
i-D notes that TikTok comedy creator Daniel Hentschel may have inadvertantly started the concept, with a video that was supposed to be satirical – but struck a chord with many commenters.
“Quiet quitting in a relationship, or ‘quiet dumping’, is when your partner chooses to only do the bare minimum required to date you without you breaking up with them… they’ve totally lost interest, but they don’t want to be the one to break it off. They are showing up every day for you, but they’re not really showing up,” says in the clip.
It seemed to resonate with a number of other users, who commented with their experiences of the behaviour. Since then, a number of creators have added their own videos discussing the topic. At the time of writing, the search term ‘quiet quitting in a relationship’ has reached over 52 million views on the platform.
Still curious? GLAMOUR spoke to Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of the Wingman dating app, about the phenomenon – and how to tell if it’s happening to you.
What is ‘quiet quitting’ in relationships?
“Quiet quitting is a term used in many aspects of life – usually work related – but it can also apply to romantic relationships,” says Tina. “It is a trend that is taking over social media for when you emotionally let go or ‘quietly quit’ making an effort as you realise the relationship is not going to last.
“The desired result for the quiet dumper is having no conflict or awkward conversations about dumping their partner. It has been going on for years but previously there was no label to it. Quiet quitting can be applied to relationships because many of the elements are similar in the fact that a significant shift in the dynamic of the relationship or situation has changed.”
How can you spot ‘quiet quitting’ within a relationship?
“The person that is quiet quitting will go through the motions and try and express their feelings without saying a word and will avoid being the one to initiate the ‘break up conversation’.
“They will do the bare minimum in the relationship to send signals they hope will have a negative impact on the other person, such as, being overtly annoying, purposely forgetful of important occasions or aloof. There will also be a lack of affection both emotionally and physically within the relationship. There is often a sudden halt on talking about the future together or discussing plans, and you will realise you don’t have any fun together when you are in each other’s company. Most social plans are also made with other people. This is when you know you are a victim of quiet quitting.”
What should I do if I’m being ‘quiet dumped’?
“If you feel you are being quiet dumped, ultimately in the most part, there is nothing you can do about it. The relationship may have just run its course.